Hope you’re all having a wonderful weekend! We woke up to a thick blanket of snow this morning in Nashville, but it only took about three hours for it to disappear completely.
Your comments and emails indicate that you enjoy a wide variety of posts, including recipes, organization tips, videos, pictures from our travels and day-to-day activities, and discussion questions. Well, this post is a video coupled with a discussion question. It’s a topic that always makes my years perk up, and I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts.
MarriedUK
I got married at 25, which was considered CRAZY young amongst my friends. Lots of people (erroneously) assumed my husband and I were religious because it was thought so young…
I would worry about an 18 year old getting married as they have so much growing up to do. Oh it might be fine- they might grow up together. But what if they don't. 18 is very young to know who you are and what you want. Some will, many won't. But good luck to them.
Getting married later is also hard! My husband and I never lived as adults anywhere other than at home or uni halls (I went to Oxford so we lived in college the whole time we were there). We made our own way of living as adults. Friends marrying now (I'm 31) find living with someone following years of total independence is hard.
But other people's opinions are often best ignored. I'm nursing my son as I write this- his snuggle my body is lying close and his hand is stroking my cheek. Many people say he's too old to nurse (he just turned one). I think they're wrong. They think I am. So we smile and move on.
Anonymous
I love your attitude to extended bf MarriedUK! I still bf my just turned 3 year old if he needs it. It wasn't planned that way but it has worked for us. He's a very confident, happy & secure little boy. I've got past being upset by other peoples' opinions about it!
My husband & I started dating when we were both 20 at university. We didn't get married until we were 33. Yes, I would have liked to be married to him sooner but he had some issues with marriage to deal with. His mum has been divorced 3 times & he hasn't seen his father since he was a very small child. I waited for him to be ready. We were totally committed to each other the whole time. Bought a house together & grew up together. We enjoyed the good times & worked through the hard times together. When we did get married we knew that we were able to work through any problem together & it wouldn't break us.
I know a lot of people on here will be slightly horrified at the thought of us living together before marriage (& my parents did wonderfully dealing with that!) but I always knew that he was the one &, as I said, we were always completely committed to only each other. We had a religious marriage (not civil) which was important to me & we wanted to be married before starting a family but I wouldn't change anything about our relationship & how it developed. Everything just seemed to work out in the very best way at the best time.
MarriedUK
Well done! Will you let him wean himself? I don't know if I could do that but I've got a few more years in me… So happy and snuggley!
Anonymous
Thank you! You're doing great to still be feeding at a year too.
Yes, I think I probably will let him self wean now. I had planned to wean him when he turned 2 (following the WHO guidelines) but he had other ideas! It was a battle that I didn't want to fight with him so we just go with the flow now. Although we're hoping for another pregnancy soon so that might change things. The lovely cuddles are just just as wonderful at 3 as when he was newborn!
MarriedUK
Do you feed him on demand or at more limited times? The constant pawing at my dress is getting to me a bit…
Anonymous
He mainly feeds at bedtime now & if he wakens during the night it helps him settle again too. I'm happy to do it to give me a better sleep too! He very rarely asks during the day now & if it's not an appropriate time or if he's just chancing it then I can usually distract him quite easily now. Sometimes with his toys,a story, kisses & tickles, a drink of juice or milk or a biscuit if necessary! If he's ill I'll feed as much as I can to help him recover. Sometimes if he's over tired & won't nap I feed & he can be out in moments!
I remember the stage you're at being quite difficult. He did seem to be feeding constantly then, I think there's yet another growth spurt about then! Once he gets into cow's milk you'll notice a difference (Isaac drank it by the bucket load for a while!) & he'll be eating more which will reduce his need for milk. I found with any changes happening Isaac wanted to bf more as comfort & reassurance. Like when I went back to work/ starting nursery (he was 13 months then), clock changes (I'm dreading that in a couple of weeks!) or if we were staying away from home at all. His confidence will grow though & you'll not need to bf to reassure him for all these things for long.
Try distraction, it can be amazingly effective if you just hit on the right thing & your wee one should be just about at the stage of being distracted! We've been very baby led which has it's pros & cons. Sometimes I've definitely wished that Isaac wouldn't ask to bf so often but now I'm happy that we've followed that path. I do hope that he self weans before school though! Do what works for you. Some of my friends were very structured in when they would & wouldn't bf & they have happy, healthy children too!
Good luck! x
MarriedUK
Should say "his snuggly little body is lying close"
Amanda Grove
My Grandparents married at 16 & 18, my aunt and uncle at ages 17 & 19, my parents at 18 & 23, my cousin married at age 17. My husband and I married at 19 & 20. All of our marriages have had struggles, but they all have God.
It would be ideal to see young people go to and finish college before they marry, simply because a lot of folks know how hard it was trying to do both at the same time.
The stress of college classes and the frustrations of learning to live with your spouse can be overwhelming. There are also those who don't pursue college and instead go into the work field or mission field. Their marrying age may look a lot different than those who graduate from college.
But like you said, each relationship is different, and each person's maturity level is different.
It's not about what age you marry but whose plan for your life that you are following: yours or Gods.
Anonymous
I married at 18, my husband was 19. We have just celebrated our ten year anniversary, and have travelled through post-secondary college, have moved six times, welcomed four beautiful children into our family, purchased a home, and my husband is three years into his masters degree via distance/modules in class. It has been a full decade!! But, we give the credit to God. Many times it would have been tempting to hit the "eject button", especially with a handful of serious health issues we have endured through during these years. But we praise God because He has been faithful to support us with Hus strength, and as we sought to be closer to Him, we have grown closer together.
Are all individuals ready to marry at 18? I don't know. I think for those who marry young, they needs stubbornness when times get tough, to cling to Christ and the covenant marriage is. But maybe all marriages need that. It isn't an easy walk whether you are 18 and eight out of your parents home, or 30 with a career and mortgage.
Anonymous
To me, the main aspect of being able to determine maturity and readiness for marriage lies in the ability of each spouse to be able to support themselves financially in an independent and reliable manner.
Anonymous
Very well said,and I agree! Neither should "have to" count on the other solely, for financial stability.Now whether they "choose" to once married,that is up to them and that is fine, but to have to because of lack of their own skills or experience, that is not good. There are no guarantees in life and that includes marriages lasting forever (ex:a sudden death, divorce, etc)
Shela G
Ellie you did such a wonderful job of sharing your thoughts on marriage!! I agree with you. There is no magic age that is right to get married. Each person is so different and Gods plan for them is different. I did not marry the love of my life until I was 36 and he was 43. We will be celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary on Tuesday. I had wanted to get married young but that was not what God had in mind for me. His plan was better Than mine and Love came at exactly the right time but it Did take me by surprise. My mother in law got married on her 20th birthday and has been happily married for almost 58 years. My sister in law got married when she was 19 and she has been happily married for almost 28 years. My mom was 18 when she married my Dad and they ended up divorced. Being ready for marriage is so much more Than what age you are.
Anonymous
I think you should get married when you meet the right person for you! What that age might be is nobody else's business. Generally the world would be a better place if people worried less about what other people choose to do and concentrated more on their own lives!
I didn't get married very young, but younger than most of my peers. We then had a large family for the UK (4 children), and I was having my last baby when they were having their first or second. We were happy to forgo foreign holidays and so on because we wanted lots of children…we didn't even have a car until we had number three lol
So long as you can afford to look after your family, enjoy doing your own thing! 🙂
Bee 🙂
Anonymous
Love what you said
lauren Koch
I am 27, dating the same person for over two years. I never wanted to marry before dating him. I planned on being single or dating but never marrying. I feel like life happens in its own timing. My best friend who is 26 wants to be dating right now so she can marry and have kids before 30. She is single and hasn't met the right person. We meet the right person, if we are meant to marry, when the time is right. It could be high school when we meet or 42.
Marrying young isn't a bad thing if you are ready for it. No need to wait for a few years if you feel the time is right and you are marrying for the right reasons.
Alicia Mae
I think you summed things up beautifully Ellie!
Anonymous
I don't want to put down all my thoughts, just a couple (ha). Anyway, if not, why are people not marrying? Is it because they are not educated on the righteousness of this step in life? If you are a good and friendly friend ask your single friends if they know the Lord and His ways. And, like our greatly shared friend Jana Duggars, do people wait to do what they plan or do they wait as a part of a larger plan that they are not fully in control of all the aspects of, other than to keep themselves there waiting and ready for the time when all the pieces come together? That is quite interesting and takes faith in God who is controlling things
Anonymous
Hi Ellie, I enjoyed your vlog. After listening to it and thinking about this topic, it occurred to me that the defining factor is commitment. Some are ready to commit to a life relationship, while others are not ready to, and have plans focussed around their own self development like education, travel, mission work, etc, before they can commit to another human being for life. As you said not bad, not right or wrong just a different life path. I think for me, that is what marriage is about, commitment.
We all have different factors in our lives that shape who we become and what path we are on that affect us and our life changing decisions. I think each path is just right for that person! Marriage will come when it is time! Eilleen
Anonymous
That was a very nice way of putting it! 🙂
Anonymous
Out of all the comments on here, I think that yours is spot on.
Anonymous
You are very eloquent. Great job explaining it
Anonymous
You got some of the article air that Alaska sent down! Where I am it dropped the the Mercury to -30 nightly. It is nice to see your sunny face to brighten and warm up the day!
Anonymous
Meant to say artic, and mercury, you don't have to post this. I forget to check for spell check switches before I click publish!
Anonymous
R u doing sign language as well?
Anonymous
Rude
Anonymous
No, she is not. I know sign language and it does not look at all like that.
Anonymous
Sorry I got the idea to be a bit saucy from Blake Shelton. I been watching the Voice.
Anonymous
She was just talking with her hands a lot! LOL My mom is the same way, and we always tease her that she couldn't talk without them.
Anonymous
Oh! I'm just the same! I always talk with my hands too, and my siblings would really tease, but now it has become a joke between us!;)
Kelly R
I got married at age 20 and my husband was 23. We've been married almost 36 years now and I think you have to be mature to get married at any age. We fell in love and 3 months later we got married.
Anonymous
I was 18 and still in high school when I got married. Less than 2 years and my husband was killed in a car accident. In glad I was willing to marry young, or I wouldn't have had the time with him.
Anonymous
I enjoyed your vlog. Marriage is hard at any age. It takes lots of work to make a marriage work. I think some people just give up to easy. I was 21 1/2 and my husband was 23,and we've been married for 42yrs,mostly happy. Can't wait to celebrate 50yrs together.
Anonymous
I agree that diversity enriches life and I also agree that everybody matures at their own pace.
That being said, it's one thing to get married at 21 after completing 4 years of college studies, but it's a completely different thing to get married at 18-19 without any life experience outside of school or your home.
We don't all have to have the same experience, but I do think that everybody should have some kind of independent experience before getting married. It may be a job, or college, or living alone, or volunteering… But going from being the kid of the family to being a wife or a husband just doesn't feel right.
And at 18 you're still really young, even if you're a responsible person. Already just at 21 you've had more time to learn and develop what kind of path you want to pursue in life.
Godly-Young-Widow
Everything I was gonna say has already been said. I got married at 28. and watched a number of friends and cousins marry before me. According to the Bride magazines in my wedding year, it was average, so I can say I married average. And still had a number of single friends. I was widowed at 36, and my friendships are very diverse; some married, some single, most are also single-again in some way. Some having small kids, most my age have teen or pre-teens, others are becoming all-adult, and some have grandkids. Others didn't have kids, or have step-kids.
I lived on my own for a year and a half before marrying, but late hubby didn't; he moved straight from living at home to marriage. It was just a different kind of adjustment. And, after living alone 8 years, it would be again, should I re-marry.
You, Ellie, did marry young but in a good way. You had both finished your college and were working, or looking for work. So, you had enough to be able to build financial stability. And I'm sure you will continue. Keep on learning and sharing.
Anonymous
I think once you are an adult, it should be your decision if/when to get married, and no one can tell you what you can and can't do in that regard. With that being said, I truly hope my future children will have some good life experiences before tying the knot. I want them to travel, see the world, complete a college education, and start a career. I know it can be very difficult (but not impossible) to do those things once married.
I got married at 23, which in my very Mormon community, was considered a bit on the older end of the spectrum. However, I got to finish my degree, travel, live away from home, and start a career before settling down. The lessons learned through those experiences have served me well. I do have some friends who married very young, around 18/19, and started having children right away. As the years have passed, some have come to resent making such adult decisions at such a young age.
As a child, I always dreamed on being married by age 20, but I'm sure glad that God had other plans for me. 🙂
Anonymous
You say that if you're an adult you should be making your own decision, but for example at 18 you're formally an adult but you're still extremely young, you still have A LOT to grow. So I don't really like the mentality according to which, as soon as you're 18 you should do whatever you want without any form of guidance at all…
Anonymous
In my opinion, I feel it is usually better if people wait until they are a little older to get married. However, I definitely feel that couples shouldn't get married until they are at least both 18.
Luba
I've always said I won't get married young, and maybe not even get married young.
But the Lord had other plans, I'm 20 years old, in college full time, working and marrying the love of my life in June.
God is good. ☺
Anonymous
God bless your marriage!:)
Anonymous
I think you also have to factor in that not everybody wants to go to college or uni. For may people an apprenticeship or straight into work is what is right for them.
Personally, while I wanted to go to uni, I have never been that interested in travelling. So I preferred to build my family in my twenties.
So while uni and travelling, etc, is wonderful for *some* young people, I think it is a mistake to think that is the only 'right' way for young people to mature before settling down and maybe having children. Of my four children, two wanted to go to uni, and two didn't. And both options are absolutely fine.
Bee 🙂
Anna Radchenko
I graduated college with a bachelor's degree when I was 20 and married when I was 21. My husband was 24 and had one year of college left. We wanted to get married a year earlier (at 20 and 23), but my parents were against it; and still being under their authority at the time, we wanted to respect them by waiting until they approved.
We wanted children earlier, but God had other plans and we just welcomed our first child, a son, this past December 2016 in our fifth year of marriage.
My opinion is that God's timing and plan is what matters for each person. That, along with each person's parental guidance, should be the only deciding factor.
"Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business…" 1 Thessalonians 4:11
Anonymous
How is a 20-year-old still under their parents' authority?
Anna Radchenko
For me, I was still living in my parent's house, and believed that until I married and my husband became head over me, that my parents were my authority, under God, and that I was to have their approval and blessing on when to marry. That was my conviction for my life, personally, at the time.
Anonymous
Why would your husband be head over you? Out of pure curiosity, I've never heard something like that coming from modern people. It's something I usually read of in history books.
Anna Radchenko
My husband is head over me because that's the order and role God created. "For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior" -Ephesians 5:23
Anonymous
You don't have to agree with everything God and the Bible say. Nobody should be "head" over anyone.
Anonymous
Not to be rude, but that's something that was very specific to tbe society of 3000 years ago, thank goodness we are all equal now. I don't want to tell you how to live your life, but social rules like that from the bible were used to keep society in order, they aren't the core meaning of faith.
Anna Radchenko
That verse isn't implying men and women aren't equal, just that there are different roles. The New Testament proclaims equality. Galatians 3:28 says, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."
Anonymous
Anna, I completely agree with you!! May God abundantly bless you!!:)
Anonymous
I didn't marry until the age of 40. I thought my chances of ever having a child were probably rather slim. It was all in God's hands. About eight months later I became pregnant and gave birth to my daughter shortly before my 42nd birthday. I am so blessed to have her. She will be having her Confirmation in a few weeks. I agree that the timing is different for everyone. There are many factors involved. We have to put our trust in God's plan for us.
Anonymous
Praying for you Ellie 🙂
I'm 20 and waiting for God to open my doors. 🙂 I always wanted to get married at 18 but God has had other plans and I am happy serving Him and getting to know Him better 🙂 God always has y the right timing – old or young!
Melba Mauldin
Hello Ellie,
I believe that age is not a factor, but wisdom and maturity along with a prayerful decision is what matters.
I was almost twenty, my husband was 24. We knew God brought us together through many conversations and prayer. I prayed for a man that loves God and for a man that shared the same values and interests as mine.
I also feel that parental approval is a wonderful gift as they know their son or daughter and as bystanders they are able to see the negatives and the positives.
Our daughters always felt their Dad's approval helped protect them. Wisdom is often blind when in love. Trust and listen to those around you whom love and care about you.
The most important factor is knowing that spiritually you desire the same goals, families blend well and that you are marrying your best friend.
God has different plans for different individuals.
One needs to determine if they are starting a marriage without baggage, debt and conflict. The relationship needs to have understanding, direction and a plan if you decide to marry under difficult circumstances. You can make it, but the struggle may not be that easy!
Attitude, forgiveness and love are not determined by age, but by choice. Some young understand this before individuals that are older.
The heart of each person in the relationship determines if a marriage is successful or not!
Anna Radchenko
Very well written! I agree.
Anonymous
I completely agree. My husband was 20 and I was 19 when we married. We went into the marriage knowing that it was for life. We don't believe in divorce and that is never mentioned in our marriage; therefore, if we have conflict, we always work things out. We treat each other with respect and kindness and always try to show each other the love of Christ. We have been happily married for twenty-five years, and I wouldn't change it!
Michelle
I am 27 and my boyfriend is 28. We have been together for a little over 5 years. We both have a BSc, MSc, and a college certificate (the job market is a little tough, but it all worked out eventually!). My boyfriends mother has also been sick for the last few years and seems to be stabilizing a bit recently. Life has just been really busy, and getting married hasn't fit into it yet. Things are getting more stable now, one of our student loans is almost paid off, school is all done, and we both have a good job. I am so glad we have had eachother through the last number of years and I look forward to marriage now that it's a little more practical for us.
aletterfromhome
I loved this post! Hubby and I met my senior year of college and got engaged that summer. I chose not to pursue grad school in order to develop our relationship his last two years of college.
Believe it or not, he moved his stuff into my apartment his finals week then got married the week before he graduated.
Except for 2 couples who had accidental pregnancies in college (and we were abstinent), EVERYONE told us how stupid it was to be getting married so young.
9 years later… we're still married. ❤️
Anonymous
Would you still be interested in Grad School? If yes would your husband support you in that endeavor? It is never too late to pursue your dreams!
aletterfromhome
My focus has changed a bit but my heart is still in the same place. I received a BA in Psychology with a focus on development, behavior, and learning with goals to get a PhD in School Psychology.
I have used this skill set in youth ministry and our foster parenting.
But yes, my husband would support me. I have talked about this a lot the past 3 months on my blog. I left my job to pursue homemaking, community service, and focusing on our current pre-adoptive placement.
Tiffany
When my husband and I were married he was barely 21 and it was on my 19th birthday. We had met in May, were engaged in July and married in November all of the same year! Even though we were both young we already knew what we were looking for in a spouse. I'm happy to say, 3 kids and almost 9 years later I couldn't imagine it being any other way.
Anonymous
Good for you! I'm happy to hear happy ending stories, but I have to say that it's not so common…
Anonymous
I'm probably one of the youngest brides here.
I got married at 17.
I don't recommend it. It has been very tough for me. Despite everything 11 years later and we're still going strong!
Anonymous
Definitely young (18-24). IF you have found the right person! 🙂
Anonymous
Some interesting perspectives. I married at 28 and my now-husband was 39. I didn't really think about my age at the time, just knew I was stable, with a good education and an established teaching career, and ready for marriage. I look back on who I was at 18 and realise that personally, I barely knew myself at all; I was a completely different person and really still a child. I dread to think how I would have fared if I had married then! The past 4 years of marriage have been great, but also an undeniably challenging journey that has required compromise, communication, self-reflection and maturity. Even more so because I became a stepmother to two children (and a mother to my own baby), who all needed me to prioritise their needs. I do agree that some people ARE ready at a young age, with a very mature and grounded outlook on life, but for my own personal circumstances, I'm glad I didn't rush into things. What does worry me is those young people with extremely sheltered upbringings and limited education/qualifications, who have never really been presented with any other option than marrying young. That does not seem to be a healthy or sensible recipe for success and happiness in marriage. Oh and finally, I don't believe that marriage is the ONLY way! It's not for everyone and I have plenty of friends who have happy, loving and committed relationships but have not married their partner.
Anonymous
Test
Anonymous
I know different things work for different people. Nevertheless, my honest opinion is that it is generally easier (and likely better) to marry at young age…if you find the right person. Marrying younger allows for more shared experiences & fewer separate ones. I think it would be such a mistake for someone (who has found their person in life) to postpone marriage because they want to further their education or travel. A good marriage would not hold you back from those experiences (but kids might, so you'll have to be on the same page). Many of my friends/family who waited to marry at later ages (30+) had a difficult time blending their lives with that of their spouse. Older newlyweds also often have more baggage to sort through (previous relationships/marriages, more sepeate intimate experiences, blended families). I'm not saying any of those things are "bad" but they certainly complicate the newlywed years. In all, it's easier for younger couples to GROW together. If you know you've found the right person, a young person shouldn't postpone marriage due to pressures from society or family. I've never heard a happily married person say, "Gee, I wish I would have dated my husband for a few more years before marrying him."
Anonymous
interesting youve never hear anyone say they wish they dated longer. I am happily married but after a lot of hard work. I was 18 when I got married and it was hard. ( he is in the military and deployed a month after we got married so maybe it is due to that more than age) but I wish I would have waited a few years and will definitely recommend that my children wait till they are through college.
Anonymous
My parents were 34 & 46 when they got married. They decided to work first they get married.
My one sister was 34 and her husband was 31 when they got married. My other sister was 33 and her husband was 34 when they got married. They said they were glad they waited.
Anonymous
I agree with what you said, but also thinking it's important to further acknowledge God's hand in relationships. Many people would like to marry and are ready when they are young but simply have not met the right person yet. It's not entirely up to one person about when they get married. Ultimately, it is God's choice when He wants to bring two people together.
Anonymous
I agree entirely. I'm happy you brought up this piece. I married at 23 which is fairly young, albeit not terribly so, in most circles. I think I would have been "ready" to be a wife several years before but God had yet to bring my husband and I together. I think many people can relate to this in a way.
Jena
I liked your vlog!! I love vlogs so I would love for you to do more! This was very interesting to me! I got married at 25 and my husband was 32. Both of us would have loved to get married earlier, at a young age (my "plan" was to be married when I graduated college at 21); but God had a different plan and we didn't meet each other until we were older. Like you said God has different plans for everyone and not bad, just different! And while I still wish we would have met each other sooner so we would be able to grow up together I know that this was God's plan for lives. And I do recommend marrying younger as both of us were pretty set in our ways & I feel it would have been an easier adjustment in living together if we were younger & not already had set patterns & ways.