Monday, April 3, 2017

Vlog #4: Is It Really a Big Deal?


Happy Monday! I took the weekend off from blogging, but I'm back full speed ahead. Last week, I posted a vlog called Lessons in Marriage that I filmed with Mr. Handsome. The video prompted some great discussion, and a few of my readers asked for clarification on one of the points I made. Rather than type up a lengthy explanation, I decided to film another video (embedded below).

I also want to point out that these "lessons" are not exclusively for married couples. They can also apply to other family members that you live with or see on a regular basis. As always, I love hearing your thoughts in the comments section.

59 comments:

  1. Anonymous4/03/2017

    It was very nice of you to take the time to make another vlog to expand on the other vlog. I found this vlog comforting because I work for people in a service position and sometimes I go through grueling criticisms on something I have done. It is hard to feel powerless and needy and the servant of others who must take discipline very humbly and apologetically. But what you said is true that everyone makes mistakes daily. So that means these lectures are quite frequent. It is nice of you to recognize what life can turn into if someone is not thoughtful as you are being.

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    1. Glad you enjoyed the video. I really enjoyed hearing your perspective.

      Have a wonderful day.
      Ellie

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  2. Anonymous4/03/2017

    Needed Dramamine for that one. Can you put the camera on something steady and not hold it next time?

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    1. Anonymous4/04/2017

      I agree with you that the camera seemed very unsteady.

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    2. Anonymous4/04/2017

      I thought my internet connection was messing up when the picture kept waving. It was hard to watch.

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    3. Anonymous4/05/2017

      Everyone makes mistakes. So is it really worth mentioning? Lol. You did great, Ellie! I learned a lot!

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  3. Anonymous4/03/2017

    Happy Birthday!

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    1. Anonymous4/04/2017

      Happy Birthday Ellie

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    2. Anonymous4/04/2017

      HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope you have a great day Ellie!

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    3. Thank you very much! Did you remember from my post last year that my birthday is in early April? That's impressive!

      Ellie

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    4. Yes I remember from last year.
      I also remember your Anniversary is in June because it right before my dad's birthday

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  4. Anonymous4/03/2017

    So do you go barefoot inside your home or wear slippers or flip flops just inside?

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    1. We wear socks. Slippers when it's cold.

      Ellie

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    2. Anonymous4/09/2017

      I will tell you something funny that I have noticed. It is seniors who have worn out looking slippers. Really I think they are patiently waiting for a new pair on a gift occasion! So if you know a senior look at their slippers and what condition they are in!

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  5. LOVE LOVE LOVE this blog!!!! This is off the topic of the video (sorry) but do you think you could share a pork chop recipe that you either have made or want to make? I am trying to get creative in the kitchen. Thank you so much!

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    1. Anonymous4/04/2017

      What I do to make pork chops is get a casserole pan put cream of mushroom soup on the bottom of the pan the I put the pork chops down then cram of mushroom soup on top cook in the oven for 1 hour.

      2 cans of cream of mushroom soup
      That's it. The pork chops can be frozen because the soup cooks the pork chops all the way through.

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    2. Put one can of condensed cream of chicken soup and a packet of ranch dressing mix (the powder) in the crockpot and mix it up. Add pork chops. Cook it 4-6 hours on high, depending on the thickness. I usually thicken up some of the remaining liquid to make more of a gravy, then serve it all over rice. Super easy!

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    3. Anonymous4/04/2017

      What about those who refuse to open cans of Campbell's Cream of Sodium soups? Or use sodium-in-a-packet dressing mixes?

      I brown & braise my chops on the stove top in white wine, balsamic vinegar, garlic, and fresh chopped herbs. I also take them in a wine, tomato, garlic, onion, and Italian herbs direction. I can't use stuff in a can or a packet...makes me nauseated to think of it. If the original poster wants to get creative in the kitchen, I'd suggest learning to cook with the whole world of fresh ingredients and herbs/spices that are out there. Your food will taste great and you'll probably feel better after eating it.

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    4. Thank you, Emily! I'm planning to make pork chops tonight, and I do have a tasty recipe. I'll take pictures tonight and share the recipe soon.

      I'm blessed to have you as a reader. :)
      Ellie

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    5. Anonymous4/04/2017

      Cream of mushroom soup, ugh, my mother used to cook with it. My sister called it Cream of Elephant. I could never eat it and still can't.

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    6. Anonymous4/05/2017

      They have sodium free cream if mushroom soup.


      Anonymous 4/4/2017. Your sister is very rude by call cream of mushroom soup cream of elephant. You need to apologize you hurt my feelings on here my calling it thay, If you can say anything nice don't say it at all.

      Illl be waiting for your apologize

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    7. Anonymous4/05/2017

      You have some overly-tender feelings if you were offended by something someone's sister once said about a can of soup. The remark wasn't even aimed at anyone! And Ellie wouldn't have posted it if it were. I don't think that person owes anyone an apology.

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  6. Anonymous4/03/2017

    I would rather have shoes on my couch than stinky shoeless feet everywhere, and a pile of stinky shoes by the door to boot. Ugh! Remember when Jim Bob opened Jeremy's closet and commented on the shoe smell?? I've been in houses where the first thing that greets you at the door is shoes and that smell.

    Plus I think it's incredibly rude to ask someone to take their shoes off while visiting your home. They may have put on holey socks, or not had time to do a pedicure, or have plantar warts, or have some other reason why they'd rather not show their feet. To ask them to take off their shoes would be a horrible embarrassment for them. Floors and carpets can be cleaned...it takes longer to repair friendships.

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    1. Anonymous4/04/2017

      This made me chuckle because if people take off their shoes when they come into my house it makes me shudder! I cant bear naked feet or socks on my carpets either. If you wipe your shoes well on the door mat, that does for me, although I think it is a cultural/regional thing.
      Bee :)

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    2. Anonymous4/04/2017

      Agree about not making your guests take off shoes. My older but still comfy and serviceable shoes don't always smell like a bed of roses, and I'd be mortified if someone asked me to take them off just to step into their house.

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    3. Anonymous4/04/2017

      In Korea and Hawaii it is considered very rude if you don't take your shoes off inside the house.

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    4. Anonymous4/04/2017

      Traditional Asian houses had straw mats on the floor, so they kept slippers or socks by the door. They did not have easy-to-clean Armstrong vinyl or composite flooring, hardwood, or carpet fibers coated with stain guards, the way most American houses have these days.

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    5. Anonymous4/04/2017

      To be fair, I should clarify that of course our builder takes off his muddy work boots! Lol
      Bee :)

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    6. Anonymous4/09/2017

      Shoes go everywhere and the bottom of them could be tracking in so many germs picked up outside so I agree that it is nicer for people to keep their house as a special indoor clean place as compared to streets outside.

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    7. Anonymous4/10/2017

      You can't keep germs out of your house by simply taking off your shoes. You'd have to take off all your clothes, shower, and not bring one outside thing into the house, such as mail or groceries. Colds aren't spread on people's shoes anyway!

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    8. Anonymous4/11/2017

      I think the whole shoes on/shoes off deal completely depends on your region. I'm from Illinois, and in many houses, it would be considered rude for a guest not to begin taking their shoes off when they come in. The way I've always experienced it in my region, it is kind to begin taking your shoes off, then the home owner has the right to offer for you to leave them on. Of course, if you have a specific reason that you need to leave your shoes on, then you may ask, and 9 times out of 10, the home owner will be fine with you leaving your shoes on.

      I've also known others from different regions of the US, who find this concept completely foreign. I believe that, for many, it is polite to leave your shoes on, and would be considered too informal and rude to remove them.

      It completely depends on who you are and where you're from! Cultures vary regionally even in the little things!

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  7. Anonymous4/03/2017

    I think the shoes rule makes a lot of sense for people up North. You can enter the house with shoes after the snow. If its a good day and if you have wooden floors, I don't see the problem of entering with shoes.

    You are very mature for you age. I really like your vlog.

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    1. Candice4/04/2017

      We live in the north (Canada), and for us the shoe rule is very normal. On the prairies you can track in snow, mud, dust, etc. Socks are worn at least 8 months a year because of necessity. I can understand this may not be a big deal in Tennessee, but where we live jaws would drop if you walked in for a visit into someone's living room.

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    2. Anonymous4/04/2017

      Do you expect the guests to bare their feet or run around in socks in your home? I'm not as far north as Canada, but my feet freeze in the winter unless I have shoes or slippers on. I can't do socks alone. My visit to anyone's house would be very short if I couldn't have a sole under my foot on those cold floors.

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    3. Thank you for your kind words!

      Although I have met many families in the U.S. who don't wear shoes in their house, it seems to be more common Canada (where I was born).

      Ellie

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    4. Candice4/04/2017

      To address Anonymous' question: we don't provide slippers, although most of our home has laminate flooring. We host Bible Study in our home weekly, and some of our friends bring along slippers for the occasion. It personally doesn't bother me whether my guests bare their toes or wear socks/slippers...but I'm not one to be bothered by germs. We have four little boys, and I keep my floors as clean as I can. Thus the easy to clean laminate. And in response to Ellie- I didn't know you were born in Canada. That's a neat thing to know! 🙂

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    5. Anonymous4/09/2017

      A dentist office I went to in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada had a renovation and after that people were asked to take their shoes off and the office provided blue disposable slippers for everyone. Some people put those over top their shoes. Tell is to your Mr Handsome, there is a next level!

      Delete
  8. Anonymous4/03/2017

    i just watched your other videos (i dont have a computer so i have to binge read/watch!) and i have to say, you two are an adorable couple!!! love your vlogs on marriage. btw, you have really grown into a beautiful woman! (started following you on the duggar blog)
    my husband & i met in college, first day! we ended up being in 2 different classes together and got to know each other quite well in a short time. i was 17, he was 21. i was so hoping we'd get engaged for christmas but he waited until valentines day. we got married that july at 18 & 22. we were married 32 years before 'death did us part'. if i had to do it over again, i would ask him to marry me at christmas so we could have been together longer!!

    my advice to married couples would be: dont sweat the small stuff! that's what my husband used to always say. granted, everyone's "small stuff" is different but we just have to put things in perspective. like the saying goes, "choose your battles wisely". example; on wash day his mother used to separate clothes that were all put in one basket & then do them. i grew up where certain clothes went in certain hampers & if that was full, it was wash day for them! my family had a washer & later a dryer at our home and his mom had to go to the laundromat by bus or walk so i understood why it was done that way. for the life of me, i couldnt get him to continually put his clothes in the separate hampers!! this was a really big deal to me and i think he honestly did try but we were very busy being young newlyweds & working that i didnt bother him too much about it if it wasnt 'just so'. it really wasnt that important to argue about. (except for wet towels, i was adamant they stay in the bathroom!) instead, we compromised & did laundry together! and that included him folding & hanging up both of our clothes! looking back, that time was so special because we were spending time together. instead of taking me 10 minutes myself, it took 5 together and we could move on to something else! and i learned that it wasnt really that big of a deal that i didnt 'get my way' and that in the big scheme of things, getting angry over proper baskets was really "small stuff" compared to the hurdles we jumped over together! of course, now that i'm a widow, i would do anything to do laundry together again, or even have him put his laundry in the wrong baskets!

    as long as you continue to put each other first, and take each other into consideration, you cant go wrong!!

    looking forward to your next vlog!

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    Replies
    1. Sending hugs to you Anon. I'm so sorry you lost your dear husband.

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    2. Anonymous4/04/2017

      aww, thank you regina!

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    3. What wise words! Thank you for sharing. I am very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to lose a spouse. Hope you are able to find joy in your new life.

      Ellie

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  9. It's interesting your video topic because April Cassidy from peacefulwife.com topic was Dealing With Annoying things. I think the Lord is trying to tell me something. Thank you for this Ellie. I really needed to see this as I get irritated over dumb things my husband over even my daughters do.

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    1. Sorry once again for my Android tablet changing the words I type. Ugh! And I never catch the typos before I hit the submit button.

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    2. My pleasure, Regina! I'm glad to hear that my video spoke to you.

      Ellie

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  10. Anonymous4/03/2017

    It's hard to live with your spouse. It could be easy if we do what you do. That is think twice before we speak. You have encourage me to work on this. Thanks alot

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    1. My pleasure! I think we can all do better at thinking before we speak.

      Ellie

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  11. Anonymous4/04/2017

    I wear shoes in my house because hard wood floors hurt my feet. I live in the midwest.

    I go to my friends house and I wear my shoes their too.

    I don't like people go barefoot my house if they want to take of the shoes they have to have socks.

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  12. Anonymous4/04/2017

    Ellie you look like a young Jessica Biel.

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    1. I've been told that before. :) Haven't seen a movie with Jessica Biel in a long time, but I used to love the show '7th Heaven' growing up.

      Ellie

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    2. I love 7th heaven too. I wrote to Jessica Biel and Beverly Mitchell and got and autograph picture back from both of them.

      I also wrote to Fergie (Stacy Ferguson) and was in her fan club and got pictures from her.

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  13. Anonymous4/05/2017

    Nice vlog. I would say that in my opinion the point isn't so much about mentioning something or not mentioning it. It's about HOW you do it.
    Mentioning things that bother you might actually be good even if they're not major things right now, because ignoring them might make them escalate into something bigger. The point is not getting mad about things.
    You should always speak kindly to each other, with a kindness that isn't just manners but that speaks from the heart, which, imho, means speaking not because you think you're better, but speaking to understand each other better.
    Just because you love each other so much it doesn't mean that it's always easy to understand what's going through each another's minds.
    That's why I think that not mentioning something isn't necessarily good, it's good only when done with a purpose.
    For example, if someone has had a bad day, or is going through a loss, it's probably not a good moment to talk about socks and stuff. Being able to identify the right moment and way to talk is fundamental.

    That's only my gist on it, obviously!

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  14. Thanks for this vlog post. Being married almost a decade, you can take for granted that your hubby's not perfect and think "why did he do that AGAIN?" Instead we should think like you said "how important is this really?"

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  15. Anonymous4/09/2017

    Ellie did you notice that this particular blog post made it onto the Duggar family official Facebook page? Congratulations! Also congratulations on having over Two million views now! You are getting to be a big deal girl!

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    1. Thank you! From time to time, I share my Nashville Wife posts to my other Facebook pages. :)

      Glad to have you as a reader!
      Ellie

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    2. Anonymous4/16/2017

      So do you run the Duggar's Official Facebook Page??

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    3. My page is facebook.com/duggarsblog. I'm curious if you saw the post on there or somewhere else? Feel free to shoot me an email (NashvilleWife@gmail.com).

      Ellie

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    4. Anonymous4/18/2017

      I'm not the anonymous that asked the initial question, but I searched the Duggar official facebook page and did not see your vlog there. I haven't seen it on anything else. Hope that helps :)

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  16. Anonymous4/09/2017

    I saw on a show about home sharing that they were dealing with the way to settle all the issues between themselves big and small. On this show they saved it for a weekly meeting and sat round a table with note books. Very civilized except that they each had a beer at their meeting. I am not in favour of drinking, so maybe this would be a good place for some special baking or candy etc to get the participants to be happy! And a prayer too! All to the glory of God in Christ!

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  17. Anonymous4/10/2017

    I think at the heart of all of this is respect. People can argue about wearing shoes in the house or picking on "small things" all day, but at the heart of the matter is whether you respect your spouse, children, friends, etc. Using the shoes in the house as an example - I recognize that not everyone does this, so I pay attention while going to people's homes and will ask or observe what the hosts do. With my husband, I think whether X is worth discussing, whether it will hurt his feelings, if it is a "big deal" to me, etc.

    I'm not Christian, but I try to be a better person every day for myself and for my kids and humanity in general. I applaud you, Ellie, for being so public about things in your life. Most people who comment are easy to cast judgment without putting themselves out there.

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